Do you have siblings? If you do, do you remember being a child and getting into arguments with them? Typically, one of you tattled on the other one, am I right? And then the parent would make you apologize to each other, and everything was all good after that, and you were best friends again. That just seemed to be expected, you apologize, and everything was good again. But what happens when you get older, and something hurtful happens, and the person doesn’t apologize?
A topic that has been on my heart recently is; forgiveness going back to the scenario above, why was it the apology that made everything better? Is it because the person was admitting to their faults in the situation, was it that they seemed to care and acknowledge that they hurt you, or was it because you were genuinely forgiving each other. I know growing up, my parents taught me about forgiveness but I have to admit when my sisters and I apologized after an argument forgiveness wasn’t what was actually going through my mind. My mind was more on the fact that that’s just what you do and that I love them, so it’s done now and okay. But in the real world, not everyone apologizes, acknowledges or sees their faults, and some don’t even care. So, what happens then? Do you hold it against them forever? Do you let it eat away at you? Or do you take it upon yourself to forgive and move on/let go?
Did you know that we are all sinners saved by grace? And by that grace comes forgiveness. God gave us free will to do what we desire, which brought sin into the world, and through that sin came death. But because of God’s love, we have been forgiven twice over before we even had to ask. He sent his only son to take death upon himself and die for our sins. So, if God through Christ could forgive us continuously for messing up; why do we find it so hard to forgive others sometimes? And why do we feel so entitled to receive an apology? Love is a choice that is defined well in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, but specifically in verse 5 it defines love as not self-seeking. So, if we are called to show love to everyone, and it is not self-seeking we shouldn’t need an apology to forgive someone. We should forgive because we love.
Don’t get me wrong; I still believe you should apologize if you know you’ve hurt someone or have done something wrong. But I also believe that if you really have a loving heart, you can learn to forgive without an apology.
If you are struggling to forgive someone, I highly recommend that you look within yourself to find the reason for it. Which presents an even bigger question; Do you really forgive a person when they apologize, or do you just say you do? Because if you are truly forgiving them for what they did, why do you need the apology? Because you’ve recognized what they’ve done wrong. I think it is okay to point out what they’ve done that has hurt you in love but what if you don’t agree and you hold that against them forever because they aren’t going to apologize?
Recently, I have forgiven someone for something they’ve done without their apology. I really struggled with what they have done and I let it consume me. It really upset me that they couldn't understand how their actions hurt me. But, I learned that because I choose to love, that I have the power to forgive them. We may have different views, but they are still a child of God like I am and we all mess up sometimes. In the long run it would be better for both of us if I forgive them and pray for them.
So, my advice is, forgive the people that hurt you anyway. I am not saying you will forget what they did and it’s not going to be easy to move on from that.But it feels good to be the person that forgave rather than the person who held a longtime grudge. Refusing to forgive can be destructive, so don’t let it control you!
“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” -Ephesians 4:32
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